I used to be angry. Angry, lost, unsure of myself, sad, a victim...and I didn’t know why. I used to blame things or find fault with whatever was going on in my life, or with the people surrounding me at that time. I had gone on this way for years, until it finally built up and I couldn’t take it anymore. It felt like I was imploding. Then one day, it all came out.
My family was emotionally, mentally and physically abusive. Even as a child, I knew something was wrong. I felt I was different from all of them, as I felt that I was different from most people. Maybe that is what helped to push and keep me going. I wish I could say that my childhood was wonderful and that I have amazing memories that I will always cherish, but it would be a lie. There were brief moments here and there, but they are so few compared to the negative ones.
I did what was deemed “normal” by society...went to college, got a good job, got married and had children. Even though I was doing everything that was socially “right”, I felt like I was living a lie in many ways. I felt like I had to be this perfect person, perfect wife, perfect mother, who looked and lived a certain way. I remember walking up the street we lived on. It was a beautiful, sunny day, with the trees and flowers blooming. As I was walking and looking around, all I could think of to myself was, “Is this it? Is this all?” “Is this all my life is ever going to be?” Even though my life seemed perfect on the outside, I was miserable and sad within. I was becoming a stranger to myself.
This is when everything started to change. I was going through problems with my marriage at the same time as I was dealing with horrible family problems. I felt I was being attacked from all sides, and was falling into despair. I became so angry and depressed. I began to seek help of a therapist...one of the best decisions I’ve ever made! My therapist helped me to see and understand things about myself and my relationships. She helped to tie connections that I wasn’t seeing clearly. She taught me the power of the “pause” before making any decisions or reacting towards something or someone. It was on this journey that I started to transform.
As time passed, I began to watch myself change. During this time I had foot surgery, and while I was recovering, I started to find myself and my journey towards re-embracing my Spirituality. I was led to Reiki (a spiritual practice that promotes balance within the body). It was this particular leg of the journey that really made my transformation explode. I grew up Catholic, and still consider myself Catholic, however, I am more Spiritual than I am religious. A person might think that you can’t be one without the other, however, that is not true. Being religious and being spiritual are not inclusive of each other. So, it was during this recovery period that I found myself meditating a lot. I spent a lot of time alone, learning to be comfortable with myself and the silence. I went through a “spiritual awakening” period. Intuitive and psychic abilities that I had since I was a child, and had turned away from or repressed while during my adulthood, started to flood back to me.
Things began to make more sense and connections became more apparent. I started to see the world as I always hoped and dreamed of when I was younger. I learned that we are responsible only for ourselves, our actions and reactions. We have our own path to follow, and we need to let others follow their own paths. This includes allowing them to make their own decisions and deal with whatever consequences follow. We can be supportive and give advice, but we can’t take on their issues as our own. No one has the right to own or control someone else. We were created by God, Divine Source, Spirit, Allah, etc. (whatever you want to name this entity) and have Free Will. We are all connected and are a part of Spirit, here on Earth to live our own human experience, as our Divine Souls are meant to. We are meant to be our True Selves!
As, I continued on this path, things started to happen. I became more confident. I strengthened my self-love, self- confidence and self- worth. I had to learn to forgive others, who would never admit the truth or apologise; not for their benefit, but for mine. Forgive them because holding onto the anger, frustration or disappointment was only hurting myself, not them. I was raising my vibrational energy, and in the process, people/relationships started to fall away because we no longer “vibed” with each other. I was losing those who no longer resonated with me, as I continued to take steps forward to bettering myself. I found things, old beliefs or patterns, no longer had a place in my life. I have no time for narcissists, gaslighting, gossiping, jealousy, mundane talk about materialistic things, or even just plain nonsense. I started to set my personal boundaries and had grown to enforce them better. My being craved to be more positive, surrounded by positive people and things. I craved positive energy. I found myself wanting to be with like-minded people, who support my outlook on life and being a person of value. I no longer wanted to be around people who lack emotional intelligence and/or have no true desire to really do the work on themselves; to open their minds and be the best person possible for themselves. I began to find those who resonate with me. I found positive tribes that support the same ideas and visions, without judgements.
When I look back, I’m amazed on how much I’ve changed over the past few years. I’m a much different person than I was three years ago, a year ago, even a few months ago. I am constantly growing through persistent re-evaluation and pushing myself past my comfort zone. It is only through doing this, that we experience great change and can embrace our Divinity. Change is not easy, but it is possible and so worth it! When we can stop and look at our choices and decisions, understand what is driving them, and learn to make the best possible choices for us, that is when we align to our Divinity. This is when we can enjoy the abundance we all deserve, and that is a part of our being. No one likes to live in lack, and we don't have to. It’s through our choices, that define which path we will take. I made the choice years ago to stop and make some type of a change. That choice put things into motion, and through many more positive choices, here I am today. A better person who is still striving to have the best life and human experience possible. A person who is embracing her abilities and gifts, and wants to help others by healing, guidance and motivation. A person who is a warrior, and will always keep fighting for what is right. However, now a more calmer warrior, who is guided by her intuition, which is Divinely guided by Spirit and the Angels.
Once again, I find myself going through another major transformation period. I don’t know what will happen or where it will take me, but I’m surrendering to the process and following the guidance I am being given. I continue to push through the difficulties that come up and use the tools that I have learned, and will apply new tools that I continue to learn.
So, I say embrace wanting to transform. Be the better version of yourself. Become the Divine being you were meant to be on this Earth, in this human experience. This is a great time to be human! We have more resources and knowledge than ever before. The world is moving to a higher consciousness than ever before. Take advantage of it and make meaningful connections. Like attracts like. You will be surprised how much better and amazing your life can be once you make the positive choice!
So, what do you think? Are you ready to transform?